Learning Spanish

Wednesday, July 23, 2014


Me: Mucho gusto!
Her: No me gusta!

Andy tells The Biscuit a joke

Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Him: What’s brown and sticky all over?Her: Parker!

Actual punchline: A stick.

Dear parents...

Thursday, July 17, 2014
Link: Dear parents, you need to control your kids. Sincerely, non-parents - The Matt Walsh Blog

“Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do.”
Wednesday, July 16, 2014


The Biscuit and I were asked to be part of a promo video for our favorite stroller company. More details coming soon.

First trip to the dentist

Monday, July 7, 2014
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We’d been told to do it at a year old but, honestly, who are these people who take little babies to the dentist?

I asked my dentist if he could check her out and he strongly recommended a “pediatric dentist.” Apparently they’re better equipped with smaller instruments and fun distractions.

He was right. We found Cambridge Children’s Dentistry and couldn’t be happier. Dr. Pedram Javedan knew exactly what a busy toddler needed to feel comfortable in a strange dental office: colorful toys and books in the waiting room, TVs on the ceiling with headphones in the examination room and an excellent chairside manner.

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We’ve been sort of brushing her teeth for months, using toothbrushes that light up with flouride-free training toothpaste. She spends most of her time at the sink twice a day just chewing on the bristles. But I think it’s better to just get her into the habit instead of forcing proper technique.

She’s still talking about the “penguin sparkles” he gave her when he polished her teeth. The stickers, temporary tattoo, and oversized balloon she got at the end were also appreciated.

On the car ride home she worked on saying “dentist” without it coming out like densists. I think her next visit in six months will go smoothly too.

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Toddlers, man

Thursday, July 3, 2014
Having a two-year-old around is, as this Huffington Post article spells out, like being in prison:
  • You can’t do anything without constant supervision
  • Every morning begins with someone screaming at you to wake up
  • You’re always terrified something bad will happen when you’re in the shower
  • Mealtime is fraught with tension
  • Someone’s always watching you go to the bathroom
One way having a toddler is NOT like being in prison:
  • Being placed in solitary confinement is a reward, not a punishment
The Biscuit is unpredictable sometimes and she basically has four moods: happy, hyper, brooding and screaming. I’ve gotten pretty good at managing them but curveballs always exist.



Parker was invited to a fancy tea party birthday thing. There were hats and dresses and china cups and cakes. And she was having none of it. Everything was terrible even after I let her eat two hot dogs, some pasta salad and a handful of jelly beans. We left after 45 minutes and she screamed the whole way home.

And she kept screaming after we got home. Then she vomited. Then she was sort of happy. WTF?

The next day she had a fever. The pediatrician said that a kidney infection we thought had been dealt with a few weeks ago had returned. Perhaps the bacteria was resistant to the original antibiotic. Doctors are never really sure about anything, are they? We got a new prescription and hoped for the best. Thankfully, she remained in good spirits even after a catheter to get a urine sample.

We managed the fever with ibuprofen but on the third day it spiked to 105.6. That’s seizure territory, folks. We gave her a cool bath and went to Children’s Hospital Boston.



The ER over there was surprisingly empty and we got a room right away. Nurses, doctors and techs came and went while The Biscuit got stickers and watched World Cup soccer. When the game ended she kicked back with videos of herself on Andy’s phone while we waited for the doctor to decide what to do.

Ultimately they just sent us home. We added Tylenol to the fever-management mix and, after a few days, she was back to being herself (whatever that is). It was an emotional few days, for sure. Do parents suffer from PTSD?

I guess living with a toddler is more like going to an amusement park:
  • It costs a fortune
  • You’ve never been more sticky
  • The roller coaster rides are intense
  • There’s a better than average chance someone is going to throw up
  • You’re amazed more people don’t get seriously injured
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